Mind over Matter
by SwedishNerd
Summary: He laughed and shortly after her hair was free again. She turned around, not expecting the close proximity she suddenly found herself in. He couldn’t stop himself, but bent his head closer to hers. His eyes looked intently at her lips


**Mind and Matter.**

**Disclaimer****: ****All J.K's****! **Inspired by "Age is an issue between mind and matter. If you don't mind it doesn't matter." – Mark Twain.

Remus Lupin walked into number 12 Grimauld place expecting to be alone. Privacy was what he really needed at the moment, his day had been filled with refusals from different work employees, none wanted to hire a werewolf in these times. So all he wanted was to be alone, and since he thought he was alone he walked straight into the Grimauld place library.

As the Black's had been rummaging the corridors of Grimauld place, the library was mostly filled with horrible books of dark arts, which he'd rather not think of. But then the Order of the Phoenix had started using it as a headquarter and the library had been fixed up. Members of the order had brought useful books and placed them in the front of the library, only moving the ones of the dark arts into the back of the library; in these times, who knew if they would need it. Better safe than sorry.

He chose one of the less useful for the Order, more than for relaxing, book from one of the beat up old shelves in the library and sat down in the couch. The day had really made him in a bad, bad mood and he just felt like going into another world for a while, pretending to be someone else.

He settled down in one of the armchairs in the library of Grimauld place, a book in his lap ready to be opened and enjoyed. However, before he had time to even open it, the doors slammed open and, judging by the clatter and the sound of someone falling the clever werewolf could guess whom had just entered.

"Hello, Tonks!" He called, and heard a jump and thud in the hall.

"Jesus, Remus you scared me!" she called in turn and he laughed at her clumsiness. It was what made Tonks so… Tonks. She was almost clumsy to a fault and just as kind, caring and understanding.

A few minutes later Tonks staggered into the library, flustered and hair tangled into the string of her jacket. He sniggered and she blushed even more, sending him a playfully angry glare.

"Need some help, hoodoo?" she sniggered.

"I'm not a hoodoo, you wolf! But I could use some help…" She held the jacket with one hand and walked up to him. He stood up beside the couch and began unraveling the mess she called hair.

"What exactly have you done?" he asked incredulously, staring in disbelief at her entangled hair and jacket.

"I don't know, it's like it has its own life!"

He laughed and shortly after her hair was free again. She turned around, not expecting the close proximity she suddenly found herself in.

He couldn't stop himself, but bent his head closer to hers. His eyes looked intently at her lips, they looked to kissable. Suddenly he stopped himself, some reason coming into mind. "I'm sorry." He began to pull back but stopped when she spoke.

"Age is an issue of mind and matter, if you don't mind it doesn't matter. Remus, I love you,"

He could only bring himself to stare at her blankly.

Of course he'd known she liked him, she'd told him. Several times, only he'd thought it to be some kind of infatuation, but something in Tonks' voice today suggested different.

Any other bloke probably would have jumped at the thought of the object of his affections confessing her true feelings. Never in his life had he wished so badly not to be a werewolf, but to be normal.

He wanted her like he'd never wanted anyone else. Why wasn't life just simple?

He closed his eyes, tightened his fists and clenched his jaw, as if to compose himself. Which she assumed he did.

"But can you love me, even though I am what I am?" His voice was gruff with suppressed pain and he talked with his eyes closed. Afraid to look into her eyes, afraid of what he might see.

When the news of Lily and James' death was brought to him, he'd thought he'd never feel such pain again. Added to that Peters treachery and the death of he who Remus considered his other brother next to James, Sirius, Remus was so sure he'd never feel that amount of pain again.

Yet pushing away her who he thought actually could be his soul mate, no she who were his soul mate, overshadowed that pain, and then some. It was more pain, yet different pain.

Any moment now, she'd tell him she couldn't do it. Or something similar, that she was sick and tired of his rejections and, perhaps even give him one last chance, which he'd remorsefully decline, until she left, forever. And he'd have to let her go, because he loved her, and if you love someone you have to let them go.

And really, it was his entire fault, so he'd have to be indifferent. At least appear so, because she'd been persistent and he'd been rejecting, never mind reluctantly, she had taken all the pain. Well, most of the pain anyways.

"Remus," her voice was soft; it reminded him of wind stroking rose petals. Or maybe that was her perfume?

"I could never love you even though you are a werewolf. I will never love you even though you are what you are. I love you _because _you are what you are. I would probably love you even if you weren't a werewolf, but the fact that you are, although very sad, only makes you...you. It makes you the strong, kind Remus I know." she'd taken a small, quiet step forward, he felt her, but through his closed eyes he could not see her. Nor hear her. She was so quiet.

_She's__ waiting for my reply_, he realized then. He opened his eyes and found himself melting beneath her gaze.

"I'm not…"

"Not good enough for me," she finished in an annoyed yet tender voice. "I know and I don't care. Besides that's a matter of view, you argue that you are not good enough of me because of your being a werewolf. But on the other hand you are so much smarter, so much kinder and caring than any other man I know." She took another tiny step forward. Her scent hit him like a wall. She smelled so good. So appealing.

"I've wanted this for so long," her voice broke. "I've hoped you'd see things from my point of view. You only hurt us by doing this, because, you cannot honestly say you don't want me, can you?" She was only whispering, she appeared so fragile in doing so. But she was not, he knew, he knew her as one of the toughest, bravest most solid person he'd ever known. Also, she was one hell of an Auror. It all depended on his answer. He could tell her he did not care for her at all and his chance with her would diminish, this time forever. Or he could go against his better judgement, follow his heart and kiss her senseless. He had to choose between being selfish or doing what would be best for her and those around her, and he didn't have much time. No time at all, in fact. He had no time at all to make a decision that would affect his whole life, no matter the outcome.

Suddenly, neither of them knew exactly how since neither of them could recall moving, the space between them closed.

Tonks shivered in his arms and he could not help but notice how tiny she felt in his arms. He could neither help but notice how perfectly they fit in each others arms. It was as if the gods had really made them as one, but then split them up.

Their lips met hesitantly, but it was like trying to control a rampaging fire with a bucket of water, completely useless.

Her hands were everywhere, on his neck, grasping in his hair, unbuttoning his shirt. His hands were pretty much out of control too. They were in her hair as well as on the small of her back, pushing her against him, even though there was absolutely no space left between them.

Their bodies were pinned against each other and if their lips ever parted it were to kiss another part of the other and to pull of the unnecessarily amount of clothes that were attached to their bodies.

AN: I loooove Reviews!


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